Five Minutes
by Tarafina
Summary: Gibbs orders Tony on Watch-Abby duty; talk of vampires, epic love and a game of Is There or Isn't There Somebody Here to Kill Us? ensues.


**Title**: Five Minutes  
**Category**: NCIS  
**Genre**: Romance/Humor  
**Ship**: Tony/Abby  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Spoilers**: Post 7x24 - Rule Fifty-One  
**Word Count**: 3,138  
**Summary**: Gibbs orders Tony on Watch-Abby duty; talk of vampires, epic love and a game of Is There or Isn't There Somebody Here to Kill Us? ensues.

**_Five Minutes  
_**-**1/1**-

It was nearing eleven at night and with little else to do, Tony was building a mini-army of paper airplanes, his geek of a target in sight. Grinning, he leaned back in his chair and let one fly, whistling as it began its decent and landed perfectly in the center of McGee's bobble-like head before tumbling to the floor. "Target hit," he announced happily. "Proceed with caution…" Throwing another, he whistled even louder, making an exploding noise as it aimed perfectly once more.

Sighing irritably, Tim glared over at him, unimpressed.

"We've been spotted! Send in the big guns." Grabbing up two paper-planes, he sent them flying and then reached for two more.

"To-Tony!" Tim exclaimed, batting them out of the air as two-by-two they were thrown at him.

"Finish him off!" Last one aimed, he closed one eye, aimed and let it fly.

Distracted by the others, he didn't notice the last until it hit him in the center of his forehead.

"Really? A little juvenile, don't you think?"

Laughing, Tony shook his head happily. But then he paused; the hairs on the back of his neck standing up in warning. He winced before the slap hit him in the back of the head, his shoulders hunching, and then looked up at a less-than-amused Gibbs staring back at him. "Sorry, Boss… I was just, uh… checking my eyesight." He grinned hopefully. "Still 20/10, if you're interested."

"I'm _not_." He began walking, glancing once over his shoulder with a raised silver brow, and then kept moving, straight past his desk.

"Following, yes, right." Hopping up from his chair, Tony hurried after him, wondering what Gibbs might have to say to him that couldn't be said in front of the others. For a brief moment, he wondered if maybe he'd heard that Director Vance had sent him to observe and report on Alejandro Rivera, shortly thereafter being relieved by Mike Franks. But it wasn't the I-know-what-you-did-and-you-have-five-seconds-to-admit-it look Tony was used to getting in that kind of situation. Instead it was one of the rare thoughtful and quite possibly _disturbed _expression Gibbs had on.

"There's an armed security guard with Abby in her lab," he announced with little preamble.

"Yeah!" Tony said, nodding. "_Darren_. I've been introduced." His brows furrowed comically. "Doesn't smile much."

"I'm not paying him to _smile, _DiNozzo."

He waved his finger knowingly. "Hah, I _knew _he was your guy!"

Gibbs stared at him.

"Right, not funny, Boss. I'll stop."

"He'll be stationed outside of her apartment," Gibbs continued, ignoring him. "That leaves a whole lot of space between him and Abby…" He stared. "I expect you to make up for that."

Tony blinked. "Sir…?"

"You already spend six out of seven nights at her place anyway, DiNozzo. I don't think this needs to be spelled out for you."

"M-me and _A-Abby?_" He shook his head hurriedly, laughing with forced amusement. "That'd be a _direct _violation of rule #12 and I would _never_—"

"DiNozzo," Gibbs interrupted loudly.

His expression fell, seriousness overcoming. "Shutting up, sir."

"Good. Then _listen! _There'll be time later for me to remind you just how _stupid _it is to date a co-worker," he argued, his voice growing steadily louder. "But right _now_, I need to know that you'll be keeping an eye on her when my guard _can't_."

Clearing his throat, Tony tugged at the collar of his shirt. "Yes, of course. Eyes on Abby; got it." He backpedaled, frowning, "In a completely _platonic _way. Like a friend o-or a sister." He grimaced. "Maybe not that last part. That's—"

"DiNozzo." He stared at him. "You're rambling."

He pursed his lips in a sign that he was going to be quiet.

"Shift's over. Darren's already been informed. You can go home now."

"The case?" he wondered. "Sir, we haven't—"

"It wasn't a _suggestion_."

"Right Boss, I'm on it!" he declared, standing a little straighter.

Gibbs stared at him until he flinched in discomfort. "Now!"

"Going!" He turned on his heel, only to stop when Gibbs said his name once more.

"Rule 8… _always_ trumps 12."

"Boss?"

He smiled ever-so-slightly. "Never take anything for granted."

With that, he walked away, leaving DiNozzo to ponder his meaning.

"You can think and walk at the same time, can't you?" Gibbs called back.

Forced into action, Tony hurried out of the hall, rushing past his co-workers as their desks, all staring at him wonderingly, and jogged toward the elevator. His foot tapped impatiently as he descended to the floor housing Abby and her lab. Watching as the numbers fell lower, he blew out a breath or boredom. He'd been wondering how he was going to get around Darren the extra security all day and now he had his way in. He grinned when the elevator dinged upon arrival, he stepped off, and was already tugging his tie loose from around his neck as he walked with clipped steps down the hallway, taking a right and stepping into Abby's world of science, nodding once at Darren before turning his eyes back to his favorite tech.

"I think four's enough for one day, Abs," he said in greeting while she tried to get every last drop out of her Caf-Pow!, tipping the tall plastic cup over her head, her tongue stuck out in wait.

"Tony!" she exclaimed, happily.

He grinned warmly. "You ready to go? I've got strict orders to take you home."

Her nose wrinkled. "Orders?"

"My three favorite R's – rest, relax and recon!"

She rolled her eyes. "I thought _Darren _was my guard."

"He is," he assured, shrugging. "He'll be outside, keeping an eye on the unsavory shrubs. _I _will be keeping my very keen eyes on your person, _inside_." His lips curled suggestively at the corners. "And you'll be happy to know that I've come up 20/10 in my latest vision test, so I won't miss a _thing_."

Narrowing her eyes, she pursed her lips knowingly. "Were you using McGee's head as a kamikaze landing strip for your paper planes again?"

He chuckled lowly, crossing the room to grab up her black trench coat. "You know me so well…"

"Mmmhmm," she mused, shrugging off her lab coat and slipping her arms into the holes of her jacket.

Tugging her pigtails free from her coat, he held out an arm for her to take. "Ready?"

"Oh, just wait!" Rushing across the room, she grabbed her farting hippo Bert, hugging it close to her chest before taking his arm and then nodding. "Okay."

"No other farting stuffed animals to bring with?" he teased, half-grinning.

She rolled her eyes at him. "So, are we taking the hearse or the 'stang?"

He scoffed. "What d'you think?"

Grinning happily, she bounced as they left the lab. "Hearse it is!"

"Abby…"

She shrugged. "Would you really deny me this, Tony?" Pouting up at him, she fluttered her eyes dramatically. "I've got an armed-guard and you as my _personal _bodyguard… Shouldn't I get a little leeway?"

He sighed, rolling his eyes. "Hearse it is."

"Yay!" She bounced on spot.

They arrived at her apartment a half hour later, with Darren parked outside the building in stake-out position. Drawing the curtains to the side just slightly, Tony peered out to see how he was faring. He smirked. "Stake-out's suck."

Entering the room, Abby rolled her eyes. "Are you hungry?"

Turning toward her, he widened his eyes dramatically. "Ptshyeah!"

"Kay, I'm ordering in. Half with Italian sausage, right?"

Crossing the room quickly, he plucked the phone from her hand. "I'm fully capable of cooking for my current point of interest."

Smile turning up her lips, she pressed her body up against his and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Ooh, is that all I am, _Detective DiNozzo? _A _current point of interest_?" She pouted up at him. "And if I misbehave?"

He smirked, his hands finding her hips and squeezing. "Current, past and future," he mused, ducking until their foreheads met. "But I won't let my feelings sway me, Miss. Scuito. I'll use _force _if necessary."

"I'll provide the cuffs!" she offered jubilantly.

He laughed. "You're one-of-a-kind, you know that?"

"And very appreciative," she replied, pecking his lips. "Especially when homemade pizza is on the menu." Her eyes flashed hopefully.

"For you." He sighed, drawing back and kissing the tip of her nose affectionately. "Anything."

Awhile later, stomachs stuffed, they lay in bed, content.

Wearing her long, white nightgown that reached her ankles and a bonnet that held her dark hair down, Abby held her book up toward him. "See! I _told _you vampires were real!"

Looking over, Tony pushed his reading glasses up onto his head. "Abs… I don't think _Twilight _proves _anything_… Other than that sparkly vampires turns girls into mush." He rolled his eyes.

"To-nyyy!" she cried. "You're missing the whole _point!_"

"That Edward's a douche and she should've gone with Jake?"

She blinked at him. "Well… Maybe, but, that's not what I'm _talking _about!" Moving sideways, she rested her head on his shoulder and held the book out for him. "The whole romanticism of vampires is that it's like… _forever_. Not just like fifty years or however long 'til the divorce comes through. Vampires have that... _epic love thing _going for them."

"How is it epic if they're going to live forever anyway? Epic is when you've got five minutes left and all you wanna do is spend it with one person." He scoffed. "Vampires get all the love. What about Joe Average? He has to actually_ work_ for a living _and _put up with naggy wife number three!"

She laughed. "Oooh, Tony… Are you _jealous?_"

"What! No!" He pouted at her. "And I still say Edward's a douche."

"That's just because you thought he was a coward for leaving Bella in New Moon!"

"What kind of vampire leaves his so-called soul mate because he wants to_ save_ her?" He scoffed, eyes wide as he waved his arms around. "Dude, stay _with _her and she'll have a better chance. He's a freakin' _vampire, _like there's much else out there that's going to hurt her!"

She pursed her lips to keep from laughing. "For somebody who doesn't _believe _in vampires, you've got a lot of opinions…"

He rolled his eyes. "On the _fictional _kind, Abs… Because it's the only kind there _is_."

"What about metaphorical?" she asked, brows furrowed.

He stared at her, lifting a brow as if waiting for her to continue.

"Well, I mean, you could say that Joe Average _is _a vampire… Half the appeal of vampires is their desire to find a mate, which a lot of regular men want too, and their raw sexual magnetism…"

"Raw sexual magnetism," he repeated, blinking at her. "I should never have hidden your geek books."

She grinned. "See! You _are _jealous!"

"I'm _not_… I'm worried about the long-term effects teenage vampire romances might have on your intelligence…" He narrowed his eyes at her. "What's your favorite element on the periodic table?"

"Ooh! Einsteinium!" she cheered.

He looked her up and down. "I'm keepin' an eye on you…"

Chuckling, she sat back and opened her book once more before reaching over to pluck his reading glasses from off his head and put them on herself. "How do I look now?"

"Like you just stepped off a stage coach and into the future… Lady Abigail."

Pursing her lips, she turned toward him. "Am I scientific looking enough for you, Tony?"

He grinned. "Very smartly." Reaching across, he took back his glasses and knocked Twilight from her hands.

"Hey!" she argued, even as she smiled.

"I'm only looking out for you… And myself. 'Cause that stuff will rot my brain even without my reading it."

"To-nyyy…" she sighed, pouting. "I'm still wide-awake, what am I supposed to do now?"

He smirked. "I'm sure we can find something…" He leered at her. "After all, I have to stand up for all the Joe Average's out there who've been defamed by all this vampire love crap…" Dropping his glasses on the end table, he turned toward her. "Wanna help me disprove a theory, Abs?"

"I've heard your hypothesis, Anthony… Now sell me on it!"

"Prepare to be amazed," he warned, reaching forward to slowly untie her bonnet. "Even in awe." Tossing it away, he threaded his fingers through her hair, combing it down her shoulders. "If you get excited…" He stared at her, his eyes a warm, promising brown. "Feel encouraged to just hold on tight…"

Her lips curved at the corners with his suggestion.

Three hours later, having fallen asleep after their long and impressive theory proving, Tony laid spooned up behind Abby, his arm wrapped around her and his face buried in her riotous dark hair, chin perched between her neck and shoulder. Faintly, he heard a noise. Prickling at his senses, instincts forced him not to ignore it. Eyes opening, he blinked wildly, trying to wake up properly. There was another thump from somewhere outside the room and his body went rigid with awareness. Shifting up onto his elbow, he stared out into the dark room, listening hard once more.

There was another heavy thump and then… a dragging noise?

Brows furrowed, he asked himself silently where he'd put his gun. Bedside table, top drawer, like usual. Leaning back for it, he felt Abby shift with him.

"Hmph," she mumbled sleepily. "Tony?" Reaching a hand up, she rubbed at her eyes. "What… What're you doing?"

"Shh…" He pressed a finger to his lips. "Stay here."

"What? _Why?_ What's—"

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

She sat up suddenly, eyes wide, her entirety on red alert. When he stood up, she reached for him, gripping his forearm. "Where are you _going?_" she whisper-shouted.

He waved toward the closed door leading to the living room. "I thought it was obvious," he replied softly.

"No! You can't go out there!" She shook her head wildly, her hair bouncing around her shoulders. Wearing one of his t-shirts now rather than her old-fashioned nightgown, she looked more like the punk-princess he saw at the lab. "He could be _dangerous!_"

He grinned slightly. "That's why I have a gun… and why I'm here keeping an eye on you," he reminded.

"To-ny," she growled, glaring.

"Just stay here," he told her, staring down at her seriously.

When she didn't reply, he took her pout that she agreed, even if she didn't want to. Waving a hand back to make sure she stayed put, he walked toward the door, moving to one side of it, using the wall as cover, and reached down to turn the handle slowly. Looking back at her, he nodded with his chin for her to get down. With a frown, she crawled off the bed and onto the floor, crouched low even as she peeked around to watch him.

Holding his breath, Tony let the door open a crack, looked through to see nothing but dark, shrouded living room, and clenched his teeth. Opening the door wider, he waited, hearing no sign that he'd been spotted. Gun ready, finger at the trigger, he slid through the opening and held his gun out, eyes scanning back and forth, searching for something, some_body_. It was too dark though and so he moved toward a lamp.

Gibbs was right when he said Tony spent six out of seven nights at Abby's apartment; he was fairly sure he knew the layout of her place better than his own. Eyes never falling, he reached down and pulled the tiny, beaded string that would turn on one of Abby's favorite lamps; a black and red lace antique. As light spilled through the room, he couldn't see anything out of place or any intruder standing out. But his back was still up; waiting for something to jump out and attack.

"So?" a voice asked from his side.

Flinching, his head swiveled to see Abby next to him.

His heart hammered in his chest. "I told you to stay in there!"

"Well, I couldn't just wait for you to play macho caveman and save me from the big bad wolf!" she exclaimed back. "And besides… I saw the light come on, there were no bullets flying, I thought I'd take my chances."

He rolled his eyes. "Abby… This is your life; this is no _taking chances _with it, all right?" he snapped.

She stared up at him. "You're mad at me."

"I'm not, I'm…" He sighed, shoulders slumping. "I'm _mad _that you _need _an armed guard outside your apartment. I'm mad that what would've been just a regular night between us turned into a mystery game of 'Is There or Isn't There Somebody Here to Kill Us?'" Gun lowering, he turned toward her. "I want you to be safe… I _need _you to be."

"'Cause I'm your last five minutes of your life girl?" she replied, mouth quirking.

He chuckled. "Yeah, Abs…" Reaching out, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and dragged her forward, into his chest. "You are."

_Thump_.

Brows furrowed, their eyes turned upwards, realizing the noise was coming from the upstairs neighbor.

"Oooh… Mrs. Lemmint in 402 said her husband broke his foot… She was complaining because whenever he gets up his cast drags on the floor and makes a funny thumping noise when he walks…" She grinned up at him. "See! No crazy axe murderer!"

He blinked. "Not tonight, anyway." With a sigh, he leaned down to kiss her temple. "Let's go back to bed… And the next time we hear something, you hide and let me do my job."

"Fine…" She pursed her lips. "But if at any point it sounds like _you're _in danger…" Her eyes narrowed. "Don't expect me to sit back and wait."

"My goth hero," he replied, grinning.

She grinned back at him over her shoulder before bouncing back into her room.

Climbing back into bed, Tony wrapped his arms around her and listened as the thumping above receded to where he guessed the bedroom was as Mr. Lemmint and his loud cast also returned to bed. With a softly snoring Abby next to him, he stroked her dark hair absently, staring at the ceiling. His chest ached a little with the remaining sense of urgency. She leaned into his touch, wiggling back into him as if in her sleep, she needed him there. He smiled slightly. When Gibbs had dragged him off and after the mess they'd been going through at work with his boss and his past, things had been hectic. Knowing that when the day ended, he at least had _her_ made it better.

Tomorrow he'd tell Gibbs that he didn't need to be ordered to stay with Abby for her protection; he always kept an eye on those he loved. And Abby, more than the rest, fit that category.


End file.
